Mitch takes a few quick sips of his wine to catch up with martini monger Jane. Not that I can blame Jane for her foray into a hopeful alcohol haze to cope with this more-awkward-by-the minute blind date.
When Mitch stands up suddenly, I am thinking, "Great - he's off to the men's room, and I can get the scoop from Jane about her true impression of this guy. Then, as any woman would do for another in a bind, I would help her escape, or get drunk, or start throwing glasses so he leaves -- OR SOMETHING to support my fellow sufferer -- I'm suffering too, being subjected to his embarrassing himself"
But no, Mitch of course is just getting started. He instead lifts up his shirt and shows his naked stomach to her. I immediately head to the far side of the bar to poke Chris, the Bar Back, so he doesn't miss this scene himself -- I'm going to need someone to rehash this stranger-than-fiction date with later on -- and many times after!
Before I can say "Whoa, fella - this is a family establishment" or "I know it's dark in here, but the reflection from that thing isn't helping", he grabs at some over-hanging, stretched-out skin sitting on top of his belt, and asks Jane incredulously "Can you believe I used to weigh 400 pounds???" Then he tucks the bottom of his shirt under his chin, grabs his Pinot Grigio unnecessarily with two hands so his stomach remains revealed, and strikes a pose with one hand on his hip so that when his shirt thankfully falls downward, it is hindered by his hand and is still exposing one side of his hairy pale girth. The raised Pinot Grigio glass in his other hand serves as a nice prop for this "look at me" scenario.
At that exact moment, Gina, one of the waitresses that had welcomed Mitch the old Regular back with open arms and kind words, walks by, gawks from behind his back at his display, rolls her eyes to me and stifles a laugh as she comes to wait at the end of bar for her drink order. I of course have to remain unfazed, because, while Gina is behind Mitch making the faces to me, I am right in front of him, really wanting to shoot Gina a look back with all of my being.
But no, I act like this is the coolest, most mundane thing and it happens all the time. All I can do to release some of the 'WTF' that is surging inside of me, is let out a "HUH" as I start mixing Gina's drinks. Of course they are all well drinks, and the well is directly in front of Mitch's seat -- not that he is sitting in his seat, but that just makes the view even more unobstructed. I decide to swallow my mortification, and actually LOOK at Jane. At the least, I can send her some bartender ESP, like "How would you like an even STRONGER drink now" or "GOD, I am so SORRY for you."
Mitch is looking at Jane at this point, too, expectantly. He is clearing thinking that this is the defining moment of the date; something they will look back on years from now as the time they both realized they were meant to be together. One has to admire - sort of - Mitch's boldness. Pompous scale registers at a 7. I can't decide whether to pity Mitch or to shut him off. Lucky for Mitch, I haven't soured Jane with my utter disdain, and she ACTUALLY SAYS:
"No way?! ME TOO!!!"
Yikes. Chris, Gina and I exchange looks of horror. This is going to be a long, strange night...
Showing posts with label bar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bar. Show all posts
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Bartender Backstory & Blind Date Part 1
At 6:30 last Saturday night, in walks Mitch -- yet another used-to-be Regular who has finally returned. Although he didn't stop coming because of Karen's ineptitude -- his story dates back a bit further...
Ann, I have found out, was the Usual Bartender that Karen, and then I were hired to replace. It makes sense that Karen was just a band-aid solution, quickly hired and not fully checked out, because Ann had left so suddenly, leaving Jason in a bind right in the middle of the weekend.
This is somewhat assuring to find out, because I couldn't understand why Jason had ever hired her in the first place. Her bad attitude, poor pronunciation ("For whites, we have Pinot Greeees, Sauvignon Black and Reese's-ling"), and deathly-slow speed, probably didn't fully show themselves until she was thrown into the Friday and Saturday night rush, and by then Jason was too busy writing passive aggressive comments on the back-room whiteboard and schmoozing with customers to notice right away. [I could write an entire post about these comments: "No hanging at the end of bar chatting with bartender"; "Top buttons must be buttoned BEFORE arriving at work"; "Bartender's shirts should be longer"...]
But, back to Ann. She was the weekend bartender for four years before she left suddenly. I had heard the name from time to time, mostly from waitresses, yet hardly ever from Jason. I could sense some drama, but it took several weeks to piece it all together.
Ann's significant other, Jeff, worked next door to Brady's as head chef. The two would visit each other two or three times throughout the night, and the bar regulars would put up with these periodic interruptions because they knew and liked both of them. They considered Jeff as much of a friend as they did Ann. Because the two were so easy-going and likable, the bar was generally full with their friends and regulars. Jeff was as much of a fixture at Brady's as Jason and his wife.
But one night someone noticed that it was 8:30 and Jeff had not been over once to see Ann. And, come to think of it, Ann was not her gregarious self. Her eyes looked red and tired, and she was unusually disheveled and distant. She was trying to act as if nothing was wrong, but Mitch, John, Patty and the rest of the patrons knew something was up. And just as they were about to ask her, Jeff flew in, in a tirade, resuming a fight that obviously had started a few hours earlier, while they were driving in to work together.
"I talked to your BOYFRIEND, and he admitted everything. I cannot BELIEVE you were cheating on me with him!" he raged.
"I told you there is nothing going on. I love you, and I would never --" she tried to retort, clearly beaten down and more than a little embarrassed that this "talk" was taking place in front of 8 of her regulars.
"---oh PLEASE!" he spat. "Save it!" "You are so full of shit," Jeff said, really getting himself worked up, and not even noticing Jason approaching.
"Okay, okay," pleaded the clearly uncomfortable-with-confrontation Jason (remember the white board). "Let's just stop this now."
"STOP this?!?!?" laughed Jeff, who was ready to snap. No one knows how he was able to concentrate on cooking at his restaurant for the four hours since they had driven in together, fighting, when all this was going through his mind. "That WHORE is the one that started it all. I wouldn't be surprised if she is sleeping with any one or two of THEM too," as he slapped the back of one of the mortified customers.
And with that, Ann had lost it. She threw the wine glass she was in the middle of filling when he burst in. With a smash, it hit the floor right between Jeff and Jason. The whole restaurant had already abandoned their own small talk and quiet conversations, to listen and stare at the incident behind them. And the bar patrons had no choice - they were physically in the middle of this battle, with Jeff behind them, and Ann in front of them. But now, the verbal fight was escalating fast to glassware and who-knows what else.
It turns out that Ann was indeed having an affair - and this "talk" had started earlier that day when Jeff logged on to her email account to pay bills. He accidentally deleted an email instead of sending it, so when he opened the Trash Folder to retrieve it, he stumbled upon a chain of steamy emails between Ann and one of Jeff's best friends. Ann had denied anything but emailing ever happened, felt awful about it, and begged for Jeff's forgiveness all day. But Jeff didn't go to work when he dropped Ann off, and instead went to to talk to his friend, who he tricked into admitting everything. His now-ex-friend even told him all the detailed information about hotels, made-up doctors' appointment and secret rendezvous's for the past six months.
Ann didn't expect the full affair would come out, and was truly hoping to make up with Jeff. Once she saw how furious and betrayed he was, she felt helpless and didn't know what else to do. So she threw the glass, and then another glass, and yet another. She was poised and ready to launch another, when Jason caught her arm from behind, gently placed the glass down, and escorted her out the back door where customers could no longer see her, all in one smooth motion. Jeff followed them, ranting and raving, and Jason soon returned, assumed her position behind the bar, and tried to reclaim some semblance of order in the restaurant.
He informed everyone sitting at the bar that Ann would no longer be working at Brady's; that she had been fired just then. Mitch and the others felt a loyalty to Ann, and couldn't help but feel badly for her, assuming that she had done nothing wrong, and that Jeff was a reckless, jealous idiot. So they turned on Jason. They told him they couldn't believe he would fire someone after 4 years, saying she was like family to them all - especially Jason. Jason wasn't buying it. He told them her unprofessionalism, her temper, and her company had gotten her fired.
Mitch threw down three twenty dollar bills, stormed over to Jason, and told him in no uncertain terms that he had just committed professional suicide, and that he would NEVER return to Brady's. He looked around the bar and urged the others to come with him, saying it would never be the same here without their beloved friend and bartender. A few others followed Mitch. The ones that did stay, did so quite uncomfortably for the remainder of their meals, and then left quietly. Everyone was shaken up over poor Ann and her saga.
So you can imagine Jason's surprise, and cockiness, when lo and behold, in walks Mitch 4 months later. The reason? A blind date. Oh, this is gonna get good....
Next: Mitch's awkward apology and even more awkward date.
Ann, I have found out, was the Usual Bartender that Karen, and then I were hired to replace. It makes sense that Karen was just a band-aid solution, quickly hired and not fully checked out, because Ann had left so suddenly, leaving Jason in a bind right in the middle of the weekend.
This is somewhat assuring to find out, because I couldn't understand why Jason had ever hired her in the first place. Her bad attitude, poor pronunciation ("For whites, we have Pinot Greeees, Sauvignon Black and Reese's-ling"), and deathly-slow speed, probably didn't fully show themselves until she was thrown into the Friday and Saturday night rush, and by then Jason was too busy writing passive aggressive comments on the back-room whiteboard and schmoozing with customers to notice right away. [I could write an entire post about these comments: "No hanging at the end of bar chatting with bartender"; "Top buttons must be buttoned BEFORE arriving at work"; "Bartender's shirts should be longer"...]
But, back to Ann. She was the weekend bartender for four years before she left suddenly. I had heard the name from time to time, mostly from waitresses, yet hardly ever from Jason. I could sense some drama, but it took several weeks to piece it all together.
Ann's significant other, Jeff, worked next door to Brady's as head chef. The two would visit each other two or three times throughout the night, and the bar regulars would put up with these periodic interruptions because they knew and liked both of them. They considered Jeff as much of a friend as they did Ann. Because the two were so easy-going and likable, the bar was generally full with their friends and regulars. Jeff was as much of a fixture at Brady's as Jason and his wife.
But one night someone noticed that it was 8:30 and Jeff had not been over once to see Ann. And, come to think of it, Ann was not her gregarious self. Her eyes looked red and tired, and she was unusually disheveled and distant. She was trying to act as if nothing was wrong, but Mitch, John, Patty and the rest of the patrons knew something was up. And just as they were about to ask her, Jeff flew in, in a tirade, resuming a fight that obviously had started a few hours earlier, while they were driving in to work together.
"I talked to your BOYFRIEND, and he admitted everything. I cannot BELIEVE you were cheating on me with him!" he raged.
"I told you there is nothing going on. I love you, and I would never --" she tried to retort, clearly beaten down and more than a little embarrassed that this "talk" was taking place in front of 8 of her regulars.
"---oh PLEASE!" he spat. "Save it!" "You are so full of shit," Jeff said, really getting himself worked up, and not even noticing Jason approaching.
"Okay, okay," pleaded the clearly uncomfortable-with-confrontation Jason (remember the white board). "Let's just stop this now."
"STOP this?!?!?" laughed Jeff, who was ready to snap. No one knows how he was able to concentrate on cooking at his restaurant for the four hours since they had driven in together, fighting, when all this was going through his mind. "That WHORE is the one that started it all. I wouldn't be surprised if she is sleeping with any one or two of THEM too," as he slapped the back of one of the mortified customers.
And with that, Ann had lost it. She threw the wine glass she was in the middle of filling when he burst in. With a smash, it hit the floor right between Jeff and Jason. The whole restaurant had already abandoned their own small talk and quiet conversations, to listen and stare at the incident behind them. And the bar patrons had no choice - they were physically in the middle of this battle, with Jeff behind them, and Ann in front of them. But now, the verbal fight was escalating fast to glassware and who-knows what else.
It turns out that Ann was indeed having an affair - and this "talk" had started earlier that day when Jeff logged on to her email account to pay bills. He accidentally deleted an email instead of sending it, so when he opened the Trash Folder to retrieve it, he stumbled upon a chain of steamy emails between Ann and one of Jeff's best friends. Ann had denied anything but emailing ever happened, felt awful about it, and begged for Jeff's forgiveness all day. But Jeff didn't go to work when he dropped Ann off, and instead went to to talk to his friend, who he tricked into admitting everything. His now-ex-friend even told him all the detailed information about hotels, made-up doctors' appointment and secret rendezvous's for the past six months.
Ann didn't expect the full affair would come out, and was truly hoping to make up with Jeff. Once she saw how furious and betrayed he was, she felt helpless and didn't know what else to do. So she threw the glass, and then another glass, and yet another. She was poised and ready to launch another, when Jason caught her arm from behind, gently placed the glass down, and escorted her out the back door where customers could no longer see her, all in one smooth motion. Jeff followed them, ranting and raving, and Jason soon returned, assumed her position behind the bar, and tried to reclaim some semblance of order in the restaurant.
He informed everyone sitting at the bar that Ann would no longer be working at Brady's; that she had been fired just then. Mitch and the others felt a loyalty to Ann, and couldn't help but feel badly for her, assuming that she had done nothing wrong, and that Jeff was a reckless, jealous idiot. So they turned on Jason. They told him they couldn't believe he would fire someone after 4 years, saying she was like family to them all - especially Jason. Jason wasn't buying it. He told them her unprofessionalism, her temper, and her company had gotten her fired.
Mitch threw down three twenty dollar bills, stormed over to Jason, and told him in no uncertain terms that he had just committed professional suicide, and that he would NEVER return to Brady's. He looked around the bar and urged the others to come with him, saying it would never be the same here without their beloved friend and bartender. A few others followed Mitch. The ones that did stay, did so quite uncomfortably for the remainder of their meals, and then left quietly. Everyone was shaken up over poor Ann and her saga.
So you can imagine Jason's surprise, and cockiness, when lo and behold, in walks Mitch 4 months later. The reason? A blind date. Oh, this is gonna get good....
Next: Mitch's awkward apology and even more awkward date.
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